Mum, you are so little ......

Physically, I have quite a small frame.  It is then very mutual to take my son’s comment literally that I was small as he said so, ‘Mum, you are so little.’  Yet, this statement rang differently deeper within a special context when he did say it a few days ago.

IngSong took these photos at a national TV station in 2009,

while I was still serving the less privilege children at a non-profit organization.

After our move from Pathum Thani, near Bangkok in Central Thailand, to Chiang Rai in the north, I figured that our new home with just two small bedrooms and one bath would be a piece of cake for me to manage.  And, that was what I set out to do, with all cooking, cleaning and all the rest.  Weeks went by and things went on quite smoothly, up till I was admitted to Overbrook Hospital for an acute diarrhea.  Having a diarrhea might not be a big thing for others, but that was not the case for me.  With a Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, anything could trigger me to being weak and need extra time to build back my energy reserve.  Taking care of my family with my two own hands appeared to be out the window.  Both my husband and son suggested having a helping hand.  So we did.

With a kind help from our neighbor Orawan Duffee, Aih agreed to work for us two days a week, Monday and Thursday.  Upon her first day at work, I learned that she has helped raise few children whose parents left to work in Bangkok.  Most agreed to support her monthly but things often got clouded and conflicted the flow of the financial support.  At present, she has two that she has raised on her own.  As I heard this, my heart went waxy and immediately went out for her, as my mind quickly went out to figure what I could possibly do to help.  I just could not stop myself, and no one did in time either.  I went over to comfort her, telling her that I admired her loving and caring mission, and would like to do my best to support her.  Of course, those statements brought teary eyes to both Aih and myself.

Our son IngSong observed all these and took the time to allow me to express my passion to Aih.  However, as Aih went out of earshot and on with her work, IngSong gently eased me down on a chair at the dinning table.  I discussed with him what I thought I could do to help this family and he graciously listened to me.  At the right moment, he asked, ‘Mum, would you like to go back and work at the foundation, and help less privilege children again?”  I quickly told him that the thought never crossed my mind for I knew how my health problem has kept me at bay.  Then, IngSong probed one more question, ‘Would you like to start our own foundation?”  “No!”  I quickly affirmed him and added, “I can’t take on commitment and responsibility as I used to, but my heart remains as much the same.  I am cut out to help others.’  IngSong nodded and his eyes showed full understanding.  He hugged me close and said, ‘Mum, you are so little …. But our God is so BIG.”

How true IngSong’s comforting statement is!  My mind has revisited this statement over and over for the past week, as I have been trying to gain back my strength and courage.  Surely, life has its moments!  I now could smile to myself at this very thought, and the fact that IngSong said the other day.   And as little as I seem to be, may I be the right person for the right moment for all, including me!

Newly Found Treasure

Way back when I was a young girl, I had found a passion for writing.  I just loved writng an essay.  Yet, way back then, writing an essay was not a shining star that received special attention from anyone except the teacher who taught the subject.  As for me, it even became an offense to my homeroom teacher, once I mentioned it in class while everyone was seriously discussing what they wanted to do in the future.

Meanwhile, my writing style was not very well received by either peers or teachers.  I felt shy about it while my passion lived on.  Regardless of how people took it, the passion was kindled in me that I wrote some and secretly posted them on the bulletin board.  Friends read and commented.  It was odd to stand there and listened to all.

"Thousands many splendid suns passed by ..."  I graduated from that school and went on to high school and colleges.  Throughout the years I kept my love for writing and reading.  Writing was an overflowing of my thoughts and feelings.  Reading was an exploring of the WORLD, the world of truth, fact, reality, thoughts, feelings and many more.  Both remained fascinating as all were means of encoding and decoding through ink on pages, and now via digital devices.

Throughout various seasons of life, I finally reached my retirement and moved with my family to the northern part of Thailand.  It is a rewarding time that I could simply enjoy life beyond schedules and commitment to what-so-called responsibilities.  Each day is a new adventure that I venture on with little expectation, while flexibility has provided me more time to write and read.  That is a sheer pleasure indeed. 

Yet, way deep down at the bottom of my heart there is still a living yearning to write.  Yes, I would like to be a writer but I always and forever thought I had no worth 'materials,' to write about that kept me searching for.  Till one day, out of the blue came my 'Newly Found Treasure,' that gave me an eye opening to the great big feasibility of writing.  That was way beyond my mind limit.

Two remarkably special neighbors whom I encountered during one of my morning walk engaged me into an interesting conversation and eventually invited me into their lovely home.  We simply enjoyed our visit and deliciously discussed on various topics, and lastly just before I left we found that all had the same passion for reading.  Glenn and his sweet wife Orawan Duffee love reading.  Glenn in particular savors reading to the point that he said his life would end if his eyesight was gone.  They then shared with me that they rented a house in the neighborhood for Glenn's personal collection of his books, his library that I had a privilege to visit that very same afternoon.

Glenn's library .... Orawan eagerly persuatede me to visit and Glenn graciously showed me around.  Few books were set aside to be loaned and more moments were warmly shared with great mutual joy.  I learned of spectacular Glenn's life experiences and kept on encouraging him to write on those matters, which he subtly declined. On the contrary, he turned the table around and directed to me the same question which I simply pointed out that I had no materials as he did.  He wondered what I meant by 'materials,' and why I could not write about what I encountered, responded or pondered upon.  Then, came a revolutionary change of thought.  Glenn introduced me to one writer that he dearly admired, Michel de Montaigne, and his book, the Essays of Montaigne.  Glenn shared how Montaigne could write about simple things he encountered over 500 years ago that could make him be at awe this very day how much Montaigne could seem to quite understand him at the present.  That simple things Glenn elaborated did take my breath away and myself beyond my mind limit, over my unbeliefs of myself, my ability and my 'materials.'  It just blew my mind that I could just simply write my own essays on anything that I came across in to daily life.  As simple as that .... 

I returned home with a great big excitement that I could write and even create my own blog.  It took me all these years and a great big distance to grow out of the box, to unveil my unbelief.  And this is how it all began, how 'My Essays,' was initiated.  My heartfelt thanks go to all my loved ones who always entrust me to venture on writing, my special thanks are for my friend Janie and her Southern Lagniappe Blogg that gave me deep inspiration to blog, and last but not least to my 'Newly Found Treasure,' Glenn and Orawan Duffee who have taken me beyond my mind limit to write.